Jan 30, 2017

I'm Not Giving Up On Black Love

I had a weird conversation with my mother and sister the other day about black love. My sister and I were quick to say that we want black love and that we only see ourselves with black men. While my mother, who has years of dating experience, objected and said "I've been trying to find black love for years and still no luck." My guess is that many black women feel this way about black love. It is hard to find. Which brings me to the question of whether or not black love is still alive today. We rarely see genuine black love portrayed on the big screens and God knows the media loves slamming a dirty breakup among black couples across every outlet possible. And that saddens me because I believe that black love matters and that black love does exist. And I say this despite my own experiences in relationships with black men. Now I am still very young and have a lot more to experience and learn but my opinion matters and should be heard. I might persuade you to stick it out for a while.

So with all that being said, let me share my recent experience with black love which helped me come to the conclusion that black love is for me. 

I met someone online via a mutual friend and decided to give a long distance relationship a shot. Almost instantly we fell in love (or so we thought). So being on cloud love I decided to fly 3,000 miles away, despite my mother's wishes, to a place I knew nothing about to visit/be with the man I loved. I just knew he was the one and that we would build a beautiful life together so I sacrificed everything even my own safety (which I would not advise anyone to do) to met him. Now, our first in person encounter was not perfect and I had my doubts throughout our relationship but given the fact that I had never experienced love before I figured the doubts and imperfections/uneasiness was normal-- just first time jitters so to speak. After all I never felt this way about anyone before. 

Fast forward just a few months after my visit, the relationship ended which was fine except it ended abruptly and down right wrong. This man didn't even have the balls to tell me he was no longer interested. The balls to tell me it was officially "over". We were having trouble but in my eyes we were going to work things out because that's what you do when you are in love and hitting a rough patch. Well, he thought differently. Instead of being a man and communicating with me he, like most black men I have come across decided to ignore my calls and pretend as if I did not exist. So here I am, yet again left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and crushed soul (can anyone else attest to this story line, raise your hand). 

But still with all that being said, I'm not giving up on black love and this experience is actually the reason why I decided not to give up. This experience showed me just how much black men need black love. This experience showed me just how important it is to show ignorant black men how black women should be treated, valued and respected. Black woman are admired by many and also disrespected by many. They want what we have and take what we have without giving us the credit or appreciation for it. Needless to so, black men are treated the same. They are often ridiculed and objectified (again, like black women) for just simply being black, strong and godly. 

Black men know me. They know my struggle. They know my everyday battles like the back of their hand because their mothers and sisters and grandmothers went through/ are going through the same. They know us but they may not know themselves. They know us but they sometimes lack the love for themselves and brother if you don't love yourself you will never be able to love the reflection of you that is the black woman. This is why I am not giving up on black love. Despite my heartbreak. Despite being mistreated by so many black men. Despite all of that, I know that black love is real and can be a cure for all of our pain. I know that black love is amazing and that I as well as my future black partner, deserve it.

-patience tamarra

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