Sep 19, 2019

Coming Home to Self

I have been away from this platform for way too long. There is no excuse other than I have just been neglectful of it. So we'll skip the apologizes and the self-loathing for now and just jump into this.

First, I hope you all are doing well-- living vibrant lives, following your dreams, manifesting abundance in all areas of your life and creating healthy relationships. I am not. For a while I was doing great at caring for myself, making intentional decisions to better my life and vibrating to a higher version of myself, but as of late all of this seems so far away from me. 

I have been sleeping through the mornings on my days off. I have not been very productive. I am not very motivated. I am falling into social media comparisons. I don't feel worthy of love. I have been eating horribly. I spend more time on my phone than reading books. I currently have little money in my bank account. My credit card bill is out of hand and I am barely scrapping up enough coins to get by day to day. However, overall I am still making do although I am just barely getting by. I also have not been making intentional decisions when it comes to relationships, spending (obviously as noted above) and in general I just have not been putting effort and time into the things that actually matter to me like writing.

Today, I am tired of being this version of myself because she is not the woman I know I am capable of being. She is not meeting up to expectations. She is not motivated to go after her dreams. She is letting herself down and that feeling is indescribably crippling for me. Before this rut I'm in was a thing I was getting things done. My creativity was flowing. I was meeting amazing people who I look up to. I believed in myself. That is what has changed. I am no longer believing in myself the way I once did. So how do I now move forward with a different attitude although my circumstances are the same? How do I move forward with positive thoughts and reassurance leading the way? 

If you are going through this same rut, here are a few things to consider:

You could very well be mildly depressed. 

Depression is something that can seem so cliche these days, but more of us are suffering from it than we think. Depression is a mental illness that can be triggered by something as simple as your daily stressors. There are many resources to help you deal with depression. I suggest finding a therapist or psychiatrist (I will be doing this myself this week) immediately or calling a help line to reach someone who can help you navigate through what you are feeling. 

Maybe a break from social media would be helpful.

While social media is a great way to connect with people and share your gifts/talents with the world, it can be detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. Instagram is about the only social media platform I use daily and I can easily find myself knee deep in comparisons and self-loathing when I'm on there. Taking a break from social media has helped me re-ground myself and rid away of some of the brain fog. I usually try to take a day to social media fast every week. It can be hard, but if you are disciplined enough and keep yourself busy with other task it is possible. Try scheduling out your day so that you have little to no down time to be on your phone. 

Writing down your thoughts is always good.

Taking some time to reflect and write down your thoughts can help you make sense of it all. I usually like to free-write when I am feeling a bit down. Free-writing is just what it sounds like--you allow yourself to write freely without a topic or prompt. It allows you to truly pour all of your thoughts and emotions onto paper so that later you can reflect on it and figure out what you were/are feeling and how you can move forward and learn from it instead of allowing it to consume you.

Take a break from life and be in nature.

Being in nature is the easiest way to feel grounded and to connect with your higher self. If you can, leave your phone home or just out of reach and truly immerse yourself into nature. Take a few mindful breaths and just look around. See the beauty that surrounds you daily that you may not appreciate on the day to day. Take your shoes off and ground your feet into the earth. Feel the soil between your toes. Feel rooted in the earth. Know that you are never alone. Be grateful in that moment. Feel loved in that moment. Feel free in that moment. 

There are so many more things that can help you but for now let's start here. Use some time today to begin your journey of coming home to yourself. Quiet all the noise around you and go within. Everything you need already lives within you. Have faith in your intuition. 

I am sending you so much love and light as you take this first step to healing. You are never alone. 

-Patience Tamarra


Jan 24, 2019

What 2019 Will Bring

A new year is among us and like most of you I plan on making some changes for the betterment of my life and well-being. To start, I want to write more and journal more on this platform that I began so long ago. Today I went through some of my old journal entries on here and fell in love with writing and sharing all over again.

I apologize for being away for so long and neglecting this platform. My life has been a whirlwind for the past year or so, but I promise to do better with making this a priority not only for you but for myself.

The past year I have been trying to figure out how to live more self aware. I have not been gentle with myself and I have not been showing myself the love I deserve. At the end of 2018, shortly after my Sistar Circle event I began to distant myself from the things that truly brought me joy. It wasn't intentional nor was I truly aware of it until recently.  In becoming aware of it I was able to see clearly that I was not living for myself which resulted in me getting lost in how others viewed me rather than who I truly am at the core of my being. I was living for the betterment of them and the relationship I had with them instead of living for the betterment of myself and allowing joy and love to lead me. 

In 2019, I am not doing that any longer.

I am living each day as my authentic self and if there is someone in my life that takes offense to that or disagrees with me or my actions they will be removed from my life. At the end of the day, you need people in your corner that truly loves and admires who you are outside of their own judgments and needs of you. 

In addition to this change, this year I will go after what I truly desire and deserve in life. For so long I have been holding myself back from following a dream, a job, a hobby, etc because I was too afraid of failing at it. I began something and didn't finish it or I had a great idea to start something and never got around to actually starting it. I was letting fear dictate every move I made or did not make in life. 
Realizing that fear and the fear of failure will always be there allowed me to figure out how to overcome it. Understanding that by trying you are succeeding in a way is how I will continue to look at fear this year. You cannot fail if you do not try. You cannot learn from your mistakes if you do not try. You cannot overcome those mistakes if you do not try. I am going after whatever I want as long as it fills me and God guides me to it and I am going after it with an overstanding that there is a lesson to be learned and growth to come from it..

I look forward to sharing more with you this year. I look forward to the growth we will have together. I look forward to the shifts and changes we will go through together. I look forward to what 2019 will bring. Let's kick ass! 

- patience tamarra
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